"Women Are 95% Responsible for Gender-Based Violence – Men Are Just the Final Blow"

Opinion | Women Are 95% Responsible for Gender-Based Violence – Men Are Just the Final Blow

By Noko Mabofa Maleka
Opera News Contributor | Insight Jozi News

"We can’t fix gender-based violence unless we fix the whole society that breeds it — and that includes the silent roles women play in keeping the violence alive."

Why Society – and Especially Women – Must Take Accountability

For too long, the narrative around gender-based violence (GBV) has been simplified: men abuse, and women are victims. But what if the truth is more complex, more uncomfortable? What if 95% of what leads to GBV is rooted in how society — and particularly women — enable, teach, and perpetuate toxic systems?

I say this not to excuse abusers, but to diagnose the disease properly. If women raise boys to believe that crying is weakness, that being dominant is masculinity, and that emotional vulnerability is shameful — how do we expect those boys to grow into men who can express themselves without violence?

When women protect abusive partners because of family shame… when women exploit children for social grants or emotional blackmail… when society rewards female manipulation as “strategy” and condemns male reaction as “abuse” — we are building the very violence we claim to fight.

Let’s Talk About Lobola — The Quiet Engine of Possessiveness

Lobola, in its origin, was noble. It was a way for a man to prove to the woman’s family that he had the discipline and financial readiness to take care of their daughter. It symbolized respect, stability, and commitment.

But that was then.

Today, Lobola has expired. And instead of uniting families, it has birthed entitlement, possessiveness, and silent violence. The psychology is simple: when you pay for something — a house, a car, a service — you believe it is yours.

To many men, that woman becomes property. She is "his." He owns her. He controls her. He disciplines her.

That’s not love — that’s legalised possession. It’s not culture — it’s a toxic trade system wrapped in tradition.

Culture Evolves — or It Dies

Culture is not a fossil. It is meant to evolve. We no longer hunt with spears. We no longer wear skins to war. And we should no longer trade cows or cash for women.

Lobola, today, is a breeding ground for gender-based violence. It ties a man’s pride and a woman’s worth to money — a combination that becomes explosive when the relationship sours.

Let’s Abolish Lobola and Save Lives

This is a call for cultural courage. Let’s stop pretending that all tradition is good tradition.

Lobola must be abolished. We can still celebrate love, commitment, and family without buying and selling the idea of womanhood. A woman is not a price tag. A relationship is not a transaction.

Until we unlearn this dangerous mindset, men will continue to feel they have the right to control — and hurt — what they “paid for.”

What Do You Think?

• Is Lobola still relevant?
• Does Lobola contribute to GBV?
• Can African love exist without cultural payments?

Let the debate begin. Drop your thoughts in the comments. Share if you agree — or disagree. Let’s talk.